High Frequency Marketing
PR & Media Relations in Spanish - Website positioning



You will never to be able to control people, but you will be

able to let people control themselves in ways that benefit you.

If you tell people what to do, they may not listen to you and

will probably resent you. You must get people to do what they

want to do, while you influence their control over themselves.

This report will show you how to do that.

There are two ways to get people to do what you want. The first,

behavior modification, allows you to change a person's

undesirable behaviors by using positive reinforcement. The second

method of influencing is reality modification.  We'll

concentrate most of our attention on this. This influencing

technique is successful because of the way in which your

requests are presented. In this report, I will show you how to

get anything. The secret to getting what you want is the way you

go about getting it.


There are three main goals people subconsciously seek. They are:

1. Symbolic rewards   2. Material gains   3. Security


We all have the need for symbolic rewards, such as recognition

and praise. Everybody  wants to feel important and special. The

act of praising and recognizing another is a strong motivator.

Always reward good deeds with praise, and give positive,

constructive criticism for bad deeds. If you are patient, in

time you will see the results of your compliments.


Material rewards mean a lot to people, whether they realize it

or not. In any capitalist society, a person's status is judged

by his material gains. Therefore, since money produces material

gain, it is a strong motivator, and its presence can have a

strong influence on others.


Everyone needs security and stability. Security is attained when

people feel they belong and are needed by others. People want

security in their jobs, friends, family, etc. There are many

ways to increase other people's feelings of security:

a) Let people know what you have to offer and what you expect

from them in return. Tell them why the relationship you have

with them is the way it is.

b) Make people feel that they are needed and belong in the

relationship with you. Show a need for their presence.

c) Let others know what their efforts are accomplishing and how

they are affecting you. Make them feel important and special to

you. Show them that their efforts are appreciated.

d) Make sure that parties in the relationship are compatible


Make sure people are comfortable in their relationships with

you. If they are not, find out why and do something about it.


 Know What You Want

Have a clear idea in your mind about what to achieve.  Whether

it be changing another person's undesirable behaviors or

persuading him to accept your point of view. Fix this idea of

what you want to achieve firmly in your mind. Know exactly what

you want, and clarify any vague objectives you may have. Clarity

of personal purpose is the first step to putting your

influencing abilities to work.

 Understand Expectations

Have a clear understanding of what others expect of you and what

you actually expect of yourself. People often set unrealistic

expectations for themselves by gathering up all of the good

qualities they see in others, and trying to have them all within

themselves. No one expects you to be perfect.

 Be Persistent

Resolve to do everything better and be persistent until you

attain the results you've been trying to achieve. Anything worth

doing once is worth doing again and again. Don't let rejection

or any other negative experience stop you. Learn from mistakes,

better yourself, and keep on going.

 You Must Give in Order to Receive

The old cliché, "there' no such thing as free lunch," is a fact of

life. If you want to receive something, learn to pay for it.

Some things may have higher prices than others, and some things

may have a higher value to you than others. Examine your options

carefully and match what you can give with what you want to


 Pay Attention To People

People will help you get where you want to go. It will never be

easy for you to make it alone. People can teach you and help you

become more influential with others. Listen to other people and

learn from them.

 Expect A Lot

When you expect a lot, you can get a lot. Your expectations of

others and yourself will become reality. Whatever you expect to

happen will happen. If you push yourself hard, you will start to

see results.

 Build A Positive Atmosphere

When you create a "win, win, win" situation, you will start to

win. When you start to think positively, your life will start to

be positive.

 Promise A Lot, Deliver More

Promise people a lot, and then give them more. This is the way

the highest achievers have made it. Tell people what you will do

for them, and then do more.

 Give People What They Want

If you want things from others, you must first give. Don't

expect others to make the first move - you have to. If you want

to get ahead in life and be successful, you must make the first

move. Everybody has certain goals and objectives they wish to

achieve. If you can help them reach their goals and objectives,

they will want to return the favor. Give people what they want

and you will always be ahead.


Listening is one of the most important necessities of human

communication. If you don't listen to people, you are missing

out on one of the best ways to influence people. People will

always listen to you when you listen to them. One of the

greatest influencing tools is listening. When you listen to

what's on a person's mind, you will find that communication

barriers are broken. Even if you think you know what they are

going to say, listen to them. If you are a bad listener, people

will think that you are not interested in them. People will like

you if listen to them. How do you feel about people who listen

to what you have to say? Isn't your admiration for them high?

Others will feel the same way about you.

 Eliminate All Distractions

Distractions inhibit good talkers and listeners. It is important

that you remove all distractions when listening to another

person. You want to create a very warm and comfortable

atmosphere for the talker.

 What Questioning Will Do

Questions we ask people arouse their thinking processes. When

you arouse people's think processes, you give them the chance to

express their own ideas and feelings. The only way you will find

out what you want to know about another is by asking questions.

If you are able to help people think on their own they will

respect you and like you. You have been able to do something for

them that they were not able to do for themselves. By listening

to others, you also fulfill their need to feel important.

Through your concern, they feel special.

 Keep The Conversation Open

In order to listen, you must keep the conversation open. Some

people won't tell you everything on their minds, so you may have

to question them to keep the conversation going. All of your

questions should relate to who, what, why, where, when and how.

 What Questions Do You Ask?

The questions you ask must have a specific purpose. If they

don't, you will lose credibility. You must ask questions the

person understands. Don't confuse other people by asking

complicated questions, such as questions with many parts. Ask

them one part of a question at a time. Try to get others to tell

you "why." "Why" is one of the best questions to ask people. The

reason for asking people questions is to get definite answers.

Your questions should prompt definite answers, and they should

discourage others from guessing at the answers. The therapeutic

value of questioning is lost when people guess at answers.

 How To Resolve An Argument By Listening

I have solved many arguments just by listening. It may be hard

to believe, but it really works. It works when someone is trying

to get his point across to you, and when he is yelling and

telling you how right he is. Even if the argument is

meaningless, here is how to deal with the situation so that you

come out on top.

The first thing you should do is listen to what the person has

to say without once interrupting. This is where your listening

skill will come in handy. You should say "yes" or "I understand"

occasionally to show the other person that you are really

listening. It is important that you agree with the other

person's point of view. If you don't think the other person is

right, you must at least let the other person know that you

understand his point of view. When the other person is finished

saying what he had to say, ask him, "What can I do for you?"

This statement throws many people off because they don't expect

it. You will find, after using this technique, that most people

give in to your point of view. The reason for this is that all

people really want is for someone to listen to them.


It is very important to listen to what other people have to say.

It is also important for others to listen to what you have to

say. This chapter will teach you how to create the most impact

from what you say.

 Get The Other Person's Attention

The first thing you must do when trying to make a point is to

get the other person's attention. Make sure the other person is

listening to you before you begin talking. If the other person

is not listening to you, then you are wasting your time trying

to get through to him.

 Make Your Message Understood

Make sure your message can be fully understood by the other

people. Don't use language or terms the other person will not


 Fill Your Message With Benefits

People want to hear what you will do for them, not what you want

from them. Fill your message with benefits. The following two

sentences shows how this concept works. "I can show you how to be

a better person if you listen to me" is much more appealing

than. "Listen to me because I am smarter than you."

 Begin Discussions With Agreements

When you begin a conversation, open with something about which

you have a mutual understanding and on which both of you can

agree. Here is an example of this concept: IF you want someone

to turn the lights off when not in use, you should not say,

"keep the lights off, you *@$!!"; instead, you should say "We

both want to conserve energy, don't we? So could you please turn

off the lights when you leave the room?"

 Give Reasons For Your Requests

Don't tell someone to do something just because you want him to,

or because it is a policy or rule. Give him a reason to listen

to you. If you ask someone to follow a policy or rule, tell him

why you expect him to follow it. Don't just tell someone to do

something - give him a benefit-oriented reason for doing it.

 Changing Subjects

If you are going to change subject during a conversation, tell

the listener that you will be moving on to another subject. If

you confuse your listener, he may not listen. It is easier for a

person not to listen at all than to try to follow a confusing


More on "effective talking" can be found in the section on

criticizing others.


We sometimes think that people are resisting us when they're

only trying to protect themselves. People often put up defensive

fronts to portray themselves as people they are not. If you can

get behind their fronts, dealing with defensive people becomes


 Defensive People

Very few defensive people actually realize they are defensive.

They often feel they are acting in the best interests of others.

In many cases, an outsider can see defensiveness in a person

that the person is completely unaware of. People who shy away

from any type of risk, or people who are constantly making

excuses, have weaknesses within themselves. They project

insecurities about themselves onto others. A person who

constantly brags about his intelligence may, in fact, be insecure

about it. So, for his own reassurance, he tries hard to convince

others that he is smart. In some situations, he may become an

"over-achiever" to compensate for his weaknesses. For example,

he may sacrifice his social life and devote all of his time to

school work.

People who ridicule others for being poor achievers may be

trying to hide the fact that they are poor achievers themselves.

In this way, they project their own faults onto others instead

of admitting them to themselves. When you encounter a person

like that, don't just write him off as big mouth or a total

loss. The best thing you can do is to make that person shut up.

This will alleviate the problem temporarily, but the problem can

only be eliminated permanently by the person himself.

 Criticize The Act, Not The Person

 The reason for criticizing other people is to modify their

behavior. We want other people's attitude or behaviors to change

because they are wrong. If you criticize people for being

stupid, foolish, etc., they will lose respect for you. If you

criticize people's acts not their intelligence, they'll change

their acts and still have respect for themselves and for you.

Everyone is insecure in one way or another and defensiveness is

a normal reaction to insecurity. There are ways to deal with

defensiveness in people without becoming frustrated or upset.

Here are guidelines to follow when dealing with defensive people:

 Never Accuse A Person Of Being Defensive

Accusing a person of being defensive can be damaging. Don't say

things like, "You're defensive because you can't cope with the


 Admit Your Own Mistakes

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, but do we all live up

to them? If you make a mistake, apologize for it. If you are

wrong, admit your error. Mistakes can help us learn how to do

things right the second time around, and we should not feel guilty

about them.

 Solve The Real Problem

If you already know the real reason behind a person's

insecurity, then solve the real problem. If a person is insecure

about being unattractive, give praise for their good qualities

and reassure them of their attractiveness.

 Questioning And Listening May Solve The Real Problem

Never directly label any of a person's weaknesses. Through your

questioning and listening skills, you may be able to get a

person to realize his own problems. When you question a person,

ask vague questions and try to lead him to a point where he

understands himself. Here is a sample question to ask: "It seems

to me that you are angry. How do you feel about this situation?"

 Leave The Situation Alone

In situations in which a person doesn't want to communicate, it

may be better to leave the situation alone. Remember that you

can only do so much to help a person realize his problems.


If you are persistent, you will eventually get what you want.

The reason for this is that it easier for people to give in to

you than to continue resisting you. If you keep asking for

something, within reason, you will get what you want. Children

are experts at this. The following are steps you must take to

use persistence effectively:

 Use A Direct Statement

In a direct statement, calmly tell the other person what you

want. Here are some examples: "I want to..."; "tell me...";

"show me..."

 Repeat Your Request

Repeat your request over and over to the person until you get

what you want or a reasonable compromise. Don't let the other

person distract you with excuses or accusations. Keep repeating

your request no matter what the other person says.

 Don't Lose Your Temper

You must be calm and collected at all times during your request.

No matter what the other person says or does, always be calm and


 Get The Other Person To Make a Commitment

The other person may give you a vague answer to meet your

demand, such as, "We'll see," "soon," "Maybe," etc. If you get a

vague answer, push for a commitment to an exact date.

 Fulfilling The Commitment

Make sure the person who has made a commitment to you does what

he agreed. If he isn't living up to his agreement, be persistent

and refer him back to the terms of his commitment. Refer back to

them as many times as it takes to make him follow through with

what he agreed to do for you.


In many cases, all you will be able to achieve by being

persistent is a compromise. Compromises are good because they

put you a step closer to your goal. If, for some reason, you

can't accept a compromise, then don't. Offer whatever you can,

nothing more. This, however, may not get you a settlement in

your favor. Here are several steps that will show you how to

compromise so that you get the most you can out of the bargain:

 Tell The Person Exactly What You Want

Tell the person exactly what you want in terms he will

understand. For example, "I want more..."

 Be Strong And Persistent

You must get around the other person's excuses and

rationalizations. You must be persistent until you feel you have

hit the other persons' bottom line. The other person may try to

manipulate you, so be strong and persistent so he cannot.

 Don't Agree If You Are Unsure

If you are unsure of what, don't agree to anything. You must

think the situation over entirely before you compromise. If you

need more time, tell the other person that you need more time.

Make sure that you can live with the agreement before you make


Everyone wants to be liked by other people. If you treat people

the way they want to be treated, they will like you. If you

treat them badly, they won’t.  Often we don't know whether the

things we do are objectionable to others. I am going to give you

a list of things that attract people to others, and a list of

things people find objectionable.


Everybody enjoys being praised. People look for approval of

themselves from others. You should only praise people when they

deserve praise. If you praise people when they don't deserve it,

or if you praise people too much, you will lose your

credibility. Don't exaggerate your praise. Make the praise as

warm and sincere as you can.

 Don't Put People Down

Putting a person down can be very damaging to your relationship

with that person. People feel degraded when called stupid,

crazy, weird, etc. Don't put people down, even if they are not

present. If you do, the word will get back to them, and you will

look bad. Always talk about people positively. If you don't like

someone, don't say anything about him. You will be amazed at the

social advantage this gives you.

 Don't Be Concerned With Your Interests Only

There is nothing wrong with caring about and looking out for

yourself as long as you don't become entirely preoccupied with

it. People resent selfishness in others. Try to make your

concern for others more noticeable than your concern for

yourself. People will recognize and admire your generosity. Make

sure others know you look out for them as well as yourself.

 Share The Credit

When others have helped you accomplish something, share the

credit with them, even if their contributions were not as great

as yours. You will be surprised how generously people react

toward you when you share credit with them.

 Don't Expect Others To Provide For You

If you are unwilling to go out of your way for others, don't

expect them to go out of their way for you. Set the first

example. If you help others, they will help you in return.

 Always Show Appreciation

Everybody wants approval and recognition for what they have

accomplished. If someone helps you in any way, tell him how much

you appreciate his actions. Actions a person performs for you

may not be repeated if you don't show appreciation. Here are

some examples of how you can best state your appreciation for

others: "I really appreciate the way you..."; "Thank you very

much for..."; "You are very good at...", "I want to tell you how

much it means to me that you..."; "You were very nice to...";

etc. Don't overdo your show of gratitude or you may seem


 Don't "Show Up" Others

When you "show up" others, you do it at their expense. Showing

up people in front of others takes away their self-respect. If

you are better than others, they will know it. You don't have to

degrade them.

 Treat Small Things With Importance

Some problems may seem small to you, but they may mean a great

deal to others. Don't ignore other people's problems. Treating

small problems with importance shows other people you care.

 Care About People

People are concerned about themselves, and it is important for

them to feel that others also care about them. People feel

important when others care about them. Helping people get

through daily trials and sharing in their victories makes people

feel that you care about them.

 Don't Criticize People In Front Of Others

Public criticism will cause people to feel degraded and

embarrassed, and they will resent you for doing that to them. If

you criticize someone, criticize them privately and


 Give People Your Undivided Attention

Everybody wants to feel important. To make a person feel

important you must give him your undivided attention when

communicating with him. Eliminate all distractions and be sure

to have good eye contact. When you are communicating with

another person, give him your complete, undivided attention.

 Be Courteous, Tactful and Diplomatic

Everyone appreciates people who are courteous, tactful and

diplomatic. The best way to learn these qualities is from

others. Study someone you would like to be like and learn how he

conducts himself.

 Be Confident

If you are not confident in yourself, people will not be

confident in you. People admire and respect confident people. If

you show others doubt, they will treat you with doubt. Be sure

of yourself and play down your insecurities.


Criticism is one way to persuade people to think like you. With

criticism we can modify the behavior of other people. If people

do things we don't like, we redirect (criticize) them. The word

"criticism" has a negative connotation in our society, but

criticism is actually very useful. In this chapter we'll discuss

criticism, which should be considered constructive reasoning.

Follow the steps shown below when you wish to criticize



Before you criticism someone, be absolutely sure that what the

individual did was wrong. Know the person you are criticizing.

Make sure you understand the person's character. If you know the

person and his characteristics well, and you know he'll never

change, then don't waste your breath criticizing him. Don't try

to change a habit that the individual is not capable of

changing, i.e., stuttering, etc. The reason for criticizing an

individual is so you both benefit from the improved

relationship. It is important that the person be improved and

bettered by your criticism. I have set several guidelines for

you to follow when criticizing another person. If you follow

these guidelines, you will find people following your


 Constructive Criticism

When criticizing someone, get right to the point and tell him

specifically what his undesirable behavior is. If you don't tell

him exactly what he must work on, he may not be able to correct

his behavior.  And by making sure he understands why you are

criticizing him, is the most important step in learning to

criticize constructively.

 Criticize Only When Necessary

If you criticize a person too much, the purpose behind your

criticism will be lost. The effectiveness of your criticism may

be weakened when it is overused, and the other person may begin

to resent you if you don't give him time to change. Only

criticize when you feel it is necessary. If there are several

undesirable behaviors you want the other person to change,

criticize only one at a time.

 Never Say "Never" Or "Always"

Words like "never" and "always" tend to put people on the

defensive when they're used to describe their behaviors. The

word "always" gives people the impression that their faults are

constantly noticed and more obvious than they actually are.

"Usually" or "sometimes" are better words for describing

people's Behaviors and shouldn't put them on the defensive. The

word "Never" is often used in place of "seldom." There is a big

difference between "seldom" and "never," and people will often

resent the word "never" when it is used to describe their

behaviors. People will always react less defensively to the

words "usually" and "seldom."

 Don't Add Humor To Your Criticism

It may be funny to you to joke about people's faults but people

feel you are making fun of them when you do. If you don't

criticize people's behaviors seriously, you can't expect them to

consider seriously changing those behaviors.

 Comparison Can Create Resentment

Comparing one person to another unfavorably will cause that

person to resent you. Try not to make any type of comparison

that will put a person down. Comparisons that make a person look

good have the opposite effect. Comparisons such as, "You are the

best person here," create good feelings between you and the

other party.

 Criticize A Person At The Time Of The Act

The best time to criticize someone is right after the unfavorable

act is committed. If you are unable to correct a person's

actions as they are committed, do so later when you're alone

with that person and you can discuss the situation openly.

 Begin With Sincere Praise And Admiration

Everyone needs recognition of their strong points, as well as

criticism of their faults. Begin your criticism by defining a

person's strengths. Let him know how he pleases you and how much

his actions mean to you. Then  tell him that despite his strong

points, there is one behavior you think he ought to change.

After discussing his unfavorable behavior, end the conversation

with more praise and admiration for his strengths.

 Give A Person Expectations To Live Up To, Not A Reputation To

Live Down

 Always give people expectations to live up to, not negative

reputations to live down. This is an excellent way to motivate

people to work for you. Give people standards to work up to.

Establish high standards, and they will work up to them.

Constructively tell people what you know they can achieve. Your

confidence in them increases their confidence in themselves. The

expectations you place on others will be realized by them. If

you tell someone what you want him to do and then say, "I don't

know if you can do it," he probably won't do it. If you tell

him, "I know you can do it," he will live up to your

expectations. Here are some phrases you can use: "I know I can

count on you to do well because...", "I know you can do a great

job because you are so good at what you do." An expectation with

praise works wonderfully.

 Don't Get Angry

Other people don't frustrate and anger you, you do that to

yourself. Losing your temper with another person will always

hurt you, not him. Anger and frustration will never solve your

problems, reasoning and logic will. Don't let personal feeling

and resentment get in your way.

 Point Out A Person's Mistakes Indirectly

Don't point a finger at anyone or openly blame anyone for making

a mistake. Use vague questions to get the other person to tell

you what has happened and what they have done. This alleviates

any resentment they would feel if accusations were made

incorrectly. Don't make remarks about personal abilities,

intelligence, etc., even if the mistake was caused by the other

person. The technique for constructive questioning is covered in

a previous chapter.

 Listen To The Other Person's Story

With a few good questions, the other person will tell you

everything you want to know. As the person is telling you his

side of the story, he will also realize what he has done. He

will be able to uncover the true cause for his mistakes. Once

you and he understand the true cause, a remedy can be sought.

 Know Exactly What You Are Dealing With

Try to find out as much as you can about the situation. If you

are at fault, the other person may not know how to tell you. The

only way you will be able to solve a problem is if you know

exactly what has happened. Ask yourself questions, and see if

you can answer them. Put yourself in the other person's position

and visualize the situation from his point of view. Look at all

of the facts carefully and objectively.

 Tell The Other Person What He Must Hear

Don't tell the other person what he wants to hear, tell him what

he must hear. If you think he should be told something, tell

him. When you tell someone what he must hear, tell it to him in

a positive, constructive way so that he will benefit from your


 Admit Your Mistakes

When you admit your own mistakes, people more readily accept you

pointing out their errors. Telling others that you have made the

same mistakes they have, and that you will help them by showing

them how you remedied similar situations, makes them feel better

about their own lot. Tell them, "I've made that same mistake

many times, I know how it feels. I'll show you how I solved the

same problem."

 Make Them See The Problem Without Pointing The Finger

You don't have to point a finger at someone to get a problem

solved. Have a conference with the person with whom you are

experiencing problems. Tell him your problem without mentioning

any names or specifically saying who you are talking about. This

type of criticism is so indirect that, in many cases it alone

solves the problem. It causes the other person to realize the

problem and solve it for you.

How To Punish

You must only punish people to a degree relative to the

wrongdoing. If you go overboard, people you punish will resent

you. If you don't punish people for the wrong they do you, they

will take advantage of you. The best way to punish someone is to

have the other person set the punishment. Ask the other person

what should be done to him because of what he has done. Most of

the time, the person will give himself a more severe punishment

that you would have. In this case, lower the sentence. He will

look upon you favorably for it. If a person names a punishment

for himself that is too weak to suit his wrongdoing, say "I'm

sorry, but that is not what I had in mind. I think that... is


 End Your Criticism With Praise And Admiration

It is important for a person to know that you are criticizing

him to help him. You must restore his self-esteem. When you've

finished your criticism, tell him how much you appreciate his

strong points.

 Improving Other People's Actions

People increase or decrease their actions depending upon how

others react to them. Praise is a strong reward. The best way to

get people to do what you want them to is to praise them for

their progress. By rewarding them with praise for their

improvements, you will get better results from them.

 Criticize Again, If Necessary

You may have to speak to a person more than once if there has

been very little improvement in his behavior. If you speak to

him a second time, you must be harder on him. If you have to

speak to him more that two or three times, you must review your

criticizing skills. Again, be sure that you don't criticize a

person for a behavior that he cannot change.


Some criticism is in poor taste. We must often deal with

unconstructive criticism, such as, "You look terrible today," or

"You don't know anything, you idiot." Don't let this type of

criticism bother you. When you find yourself faced with such

useless criticism, follow these step:

 Agree With The Facts

Carefully evaluate the criticism the other person presents you

with, and be sure to agree with him on the facts. In the above

examples you could reply., "I haven't been feeling too well

lately," and "No, I don't know much about this subject." When

you respond to the other person, answer only to what he actually

says, not what he implies.

 Answer The Criticism

Stay calm and collected throughout the conversation. Don't lose

you temper. The only way you will feel degraded is if you take

criticism personally, and not constructively. Don't waste his

time and your emotions by reading more into his criticism than

is actually stated. By accepting criticism constructively, not

personally, you won't need to defend your pride or attack the

other person.

 Accept Your Mistakes

If you make a mistake accept it, but don't feel guilty. If you

are in error, apologize sincerely and take any actions necessary

to remedy the situation. If you do this, there is no reason for

a teary, dramatic apology. Such scenes will only embarrass you

more and make the other person feel uncomfortable as well.


When you get constructive criticism, try to gain the most from

it. Constructive criticism is one of the best ways to mold

yourself into a better person. The following steps will show you

how to get the most from constructive criticism.

 Ask For Feedback

Find out exactly what others object to about you. If someone

tells you that he doesn't like your behavior, find out exactly

what he doesn't like about it. Be very persistent, and insist

that he be explicit in his criticism. Ask the other person what

you can do to change the objectionable action in the future.

Vague criticism is worthless to you.

 Use Deduction To Find Your Faults

If a person  criticizes you vaguely, but can't bring himself to

tell you explicitly what he disapproves of, then consider faults

that others have criticized you for in the past. Often, the same

faults will displease different people. This may be the only way

to find out what displeases the other person.

 Don't Be Defensive

If you act defensively, you will not be able to benefit from

constructive criticism. Don't be sarcastic or hostile toward the

other person. Remember that the other person is criticizing you

so that you can better yourself and your relationship with him.


People enjoy the company of others, and everyone wants to meet

people with whom they can have close and lasting friendships.

Here are some steps to follow if you want to become more

successful at meeting and making friends:

 Introduce Yourself

Let your prospect know who he is dealing with. Visualize him as

a friendly, considerate and kind person. Give him information

that will make him receptive to you. Make the information

benefit-oriented for him. Try phrases like, "I really like that

dress on you, it brings out your blue eyes," or, "I overheard

what you were saying, and I was really fascinated by how much

you know about..."

 Ask Leading Questions

Ask the person you are talking to a leading question. A leading

question is one that provokes more of a response than a mere

"yes or "no" Here are some examples: "Do you attend a lot of

these charity balls?"; "How do you know the host?"; "Do you work

downtown, too? What do you do?" The other person's responses to

these leading questions will let you know if he is interested in

you or not. If you try to sell yourself to the person

immediately, you will get resistance. If you push too hard or

don't ask your leading questions with true interest and

sincerity, you will get negative answers, and the conversation

may quickly come to an end. Try to make the person feel that you

want his consent to expand on an idea that may be of interest to

him. What you actually want is his consent to get to know him

better. If the other person shows interest in you and begins to

communicate with you, feel free to go a step further.

 Open Yourself Up

Once the person opens up to you, you can begin to open yourself

up to him. You have his attention, and he is interested in you.

Once you feel comfortable in his presence, tell him your

strongest attributes are, the ones that will appeal to him most.

If you get a positive response, you have successfully sold

yourself to him. At this point, you can feel free to further

develop your new friendship. If the person is unresponsive, it

may be that you sound pompous and boastful to him. In this case,

you should lower your volume a bit and sound as humble and

sincere as possible.

 How To Handle Negative Feedback

Be prepared for some objections from the other person in the

course of your conversation. Respond to each of his objections

and try to agree with some part of them. Don't linger or argue

over an objection, accept the other person's point of view

without forcing yours upon him. Make sure that his objection is

legitimate, not just an argumentative contest. First, agree that

you understand the other person's objection. Then ask the other

person if there are any other reasons for objecting to your

underlying reasons for his objections. For example, "Yes, I can

see why you feel that way, but I feel that..."

 Winning The Battle

The final part is the easiest part of your whole selling

approach. At this point, give the other person a choice. Don't

give him a choice of whether to take you on or not, give him a

choice of how to take you on. "Do you have a pen, or would you

like to use mine to write down your phone number?" Instead of

saying, "Do you want to go out with me?" say, "Would you rather

go to a movie or out dancing?" After you have gotten the other

person to make some kind of commitment, summarize the

proposition and reward the other person for accepting. An

example of that is: "Thanks for giving me your phone number. I'm

really looking forward to Saturday night."


Getting along better with others is a matter of choice. Follow

the principles outlined in this report and you will become a

more influential person. Not only will people be happy with you,

but you will be happy with yourself. Your choice to become a new

person will be one of the best you'll ever make.


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